Burn Baby.. Burn!

I just sent a request for Leave of Absence to my Supervisor. It will last for more than a week starting this coming Sunday. Sabi naman ng supervisor ko, she will approve it and forward it to the bosses to finalize.

Buti na lang mabait si Sup.

From the past days that I have been studying about my case.. and from the endless talks that Shyder and I had been doing since last week, saka ko lang narealize kung ano ang mga reason kung bakit nagiging ganito ang attitude ko sa work.

Opo, at work na naman ang topic.

And I just realize that it wasn't just me alone. Everybody else.

Burned out. That's the exact term for everybody having the urge to resign from work already.

At sa pagreresearch ko, nalaman ko na possible palang isang psychological problem ang pagiging Burned out. It's what you can call "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" which involves severe physical, mental and emotional exhaustion. At ayon sa pagkaka-explain sa nabasa ko sa internet, it is something na dapat mong pagtuunan ng pansin dahil kapag hindi siya natreat, makakaapekto ito sa buhay ng isang tao. It is actually considered as a threat to one person's job, relationship, family and even the person itself. It can also lead to severe depression and based from what I just found out, severe depression can actually KILL.

Malamang iisipin mong OA ang description ko tungkol sa sakit na to', but the thing is, totoo siya at totoong malaking epekto sa buhay ang pagiging burned out.

Nararanasan ko siya ngayon.

Narito ang mga current na nararamdaman ko bilang isang example ng taong "Burned Out":

a.) Wala akong gana pumasok. Tuwing gigising ako sa umaga para pumasok, feeling ko pinapatay ko ang sarili ko. At tuwing pipilitin ko ang sarili ko dahil kailangan kong kumita sa araw na yon, mag-eend up lang yon na luluwas ako pabalik sa Laguna kahit nasa office nako.

b.) Wala nakong interest sa ginagawa ko sa office. I feel that the job itself is very unchallenging and I don't care if my stats fail at all.

c.) Iritable ako, sensitive at emotional. Madali akong mainis at ayoko lagi ng arguments. You can also say that I'm probably moody during these times.

d.) Makakalimutin ako. I can't focus on a task because I tend to forget things. I guess this is because I'm distracted with the emotions and exhaustion.

e.) Madalas akong magkasakit. Totoo, Sakit talaga at hindi sakit sakitan lang. Napansin kong bumaba ang immunity level ko at mabilis akong dapuan ng sakit.

f.) Nawawalan ako ng motivation na pumasok sa office. Pakiramdam ko kasi, kahit naman ako ang top performer sa office, it wouldn't make sense dahil hindi naman yun marerecognize ng company.

g.) Frequent headaches and frequent backaches. Dito ko nalalaman na pagod na ang katawan ko kapag nagsimula ko ng maramdamang masakit ang likod ko. Galing naman ako sa rest day pero pag pumasok ako, feeling sobrang pagod ako.


Iilan pa lang ang mga yan' sa napansin ko sa sarili ko as part of the changes simula ng magkaroon ng psychological problem na ganito. The main thing about this is that it affects my life. A lot of percentage in my life.

Kung susukatin ko ang percentage na motivated akong pumasok at ang percentage na motivated akong magresign, magiging ganito ang figures niya: 98% Motivated to Resign and 2% Motivated to Work. Napakaliit na part ng sarili ko ngayon ang gustong magproceed pero sabi nga ni Shyder, take a break. Kasi nga kung pipilitin kong magisip ng solusyon sa prob ko ngayon, hindi rin ako mageend up sa magandang solusyon dahil sinasabi ng katawan ko kailangan ko ng pahinga.

Sabagay, February pa lang pansin ko na ang symptoms ng pagiging burned out ko. And since then, I haven't really taken a break yet for a long time. Hindi uubra sakin ngayon ang 3 to 5 days na break. Kailangan ko ng at least 1 month.

Tignan natin. For sure na magco-come up din ako sa solusyon.



- chagadelic gurl -

Falling Grains and Falling Brains

Tuesday afternoon. It's usually a boring time sa office.

Most of the people couldn't just wait to log off and get their asses off infront of their stations. Iba ang feeling ngayong Tuesday na to'. It isn't like the usual na "matatapos na ang araw, looking forward sa bukas..."

It's still a boring afternoon sa office pero iba talaga ang pagkaboring ngayon. It felt sad rather than just boring. Siguro dahil from the past weeks, sunod sunod na ang nagpapaalam sa company. Yung iba nga, last week na pala nila this week.

Nakakalungkot lang isipin. Andami nang umaalis.

Dating masaya ang atmosphere sa office. Parang everyday, naeexcite kang pumasok para mahabol yung stats mo. Parang ngayon, wala ka nang ganang magtrabaho. It just kills you everytime you come in to work.

Ever since I started working with my present team, naging iba ang paningin ko sa company. Partly, naging masaya ang stay ko dahil sa muli, naramdaman kong importante ako sa mga kasama ko.

Biglaan lang, isang Sunday na pumasok ako, naramdaman kong parang tinatamad nakong pumasok. Naramdaman kong parang wala ng saysay ang bawat effort na ginagawa ko at kahit pa maging top performer ako palagi, wala na rin namang halaga. Hindi ko mapigilan ang feeling na gustong gusto ko ng gumawa ng resignation paper.

I had been holding back since last year. I'm actually trying to make myself love the job over and over again. I had been succeeding to love the job again most of the times and during these times, I know this is only something that I feel for myself na pwede ko pa namang labanan.

But this time, I know it's different. I could tell sa dami ng mga taong nagfifile ng LOA at nagsusubmit ng resignation letter. And I am currently at the same point.

I'm so urged to submit the resignation paper already. I thought I just needed a break pero kung ako lang talaga ang may problema, why do others completely leave the company as well?

Sa tingin ko, nalaman ko ang problema.

I spoke to a friend a few days ago. Nalaman ko ngang last day na ng isa naming kasamahan this coming friday. I was able to find out that she actually stayed for 4 years in the company. Isipin ko lang sa sarili ko, I wouldn't like spending my entire time working as an agent specially that I not getting any younger. But she did then suddenly she just threw everything away.

It has been a good investment. Pero bakit nga ba bigla mo na lang itatapon ang isang career na halos malaking parte ng buhay mo ang nakuha? Simple enough to find out. She's just not growing anymore.

For four years, it has only been the same amount of basic salary and very minimal raise. For four years, she started as an agent at hanggang ngayon, agent parin siya. It felt like there will be no sense staying with the company anymore since hindi rin naman tumataas ang value mo at hindi rin tumataas ang sahod mo. What's the point?

That is the question. What's the point in staying in a company when you hate the policies and the company wouldn't even give you a credit if you stayed with them for years. Non sense.

Can't blame people who want to be more productive outside of this company lalo na kung gusto mo talaga ng growth at kung nagaasam ka ng raise na hindi naman maibigay ng company sayo.

At dahil diyan, trabaho na naman ang topic ko. Naguumapaw na naman ako sa sama ng loob pero hindi ko naman magawang lumabas sa comfort zone ko.

Mula sa isang malaking bilang ng mga bagong empleyado, unti unting kumakalas ang bawat isa at tinutungo ang kalayaan sa paghahanap ng pagkakataon na makuha ang pinapangarap na trabaho. Habang ang iba naman, unti unting inuubos ang pasensya, pagod, kaalaman sa mga bagay na walang kasiguraduhan kung saan mo pwedeng mapakinabangan kapag naisip mong lisanin ang mundong pilit mo lang isinisingit ang sarili mo.

Masyadong malalim. In short, magresign na lang kung ayaw mo na kasi nakakabobo ang trabaho.

- chagadelic gurl -