Chag and the Movies

Last month was my anti-love month. But lately, I was able to move on and turn upside down as I've gotten myself indulged on watching romantic movies. Reason why? I love being carried away. LOL.

And finding myself being carried away all the time by these romantic movies, I've decided to list down these movies which lines got me swept off my feet. And how is this related to the Chag People? Let me tell you how and to whom I relate the quotes I've listed down.

Let's begin from here.

10. Love and Other Drugs

"Sometimes the things you want the most don't happen and what you least expect happens. I don't know - you meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet that one person and your life is changed. I've never known anyone who actually believe that I was enough until I met you. And then you made me believe it too. " - Jamie Randall, Love and other drugs (2010)

This relates to: Rochelle

Rochelle's personality when it comes to love is that she tends to be addicted to this one person whom she wants to be with. She may elope with him and do adventurous things and she would be brave enough to risk things to keep the relationship work. In search for love, she opens out herself to all of the fishes in the sea. But as I see from the future, no matter how many choices there is, there will be this one person who will definitely take her breath away and it'll come in a time when she least expect it.

9. The Proposal

"Three days ago, I loathed you. I used to dream about you getting hit by a cab. Then we had our little adventure up in Alaska and things started to changed. Things changed when we kissed. And when you told me about your tattoo. Even when you checked me out when we were naked. But I didn't realize any of this, until I was standing alone... in a barn... wifeless. Now, you could imagine my disappointment when it suddenly dawned on me that the woman I love is about to be kicked out of the country. So Margaret, marry me, because I'd like to date you." Andrew Paxton, The Proposal (2009)

This relates to: Charisse

Charisse used to be this one person who has a great defense mechanism against love. But it came to her in no time that all her beliefs were replaced with the possibility of a happy ever after by being with someone and loving him. Of all the high expectations from other people, she chose to live a life as how she see it righteous for her and stood up against her decision. She is now happily married to her husband and is now a mother of her own baby girl.

8. My Amnesia Girl

"Ipikit mo ang mga mata mo. Kasi sabi nila, kapag nakapikit ka, dun mo malalaman ang totoo mong nararamdaman. Kung pwede lang mawala lahat ng kasalan sa pamamagitan ng yakap, habang buhay kitang yayakapin." - Apollo, My Amnesia Girl (2010)

This relates to: Roselyn

Roselyn fell in love to a guy from the past whom they both never had the chance to express their feelings to each other. Years after, they met again. Despite of wanting to pursue what has not been yet fulfilled relationship, chances and fate always takes away this opportunity. She then chose to engage into relationships that will make her happy and satisfied. And no matter how much pain and hurtful things are, she chose to accept what is given to her at this time. And all she could do is hold on to the man she loves, hug and kiss him as if tomorrow will no longer be a forever after.

7. Titanic

“Winning that ticket, Rose, was the best thing that ever happened to me. It brought me to you. You must do me this honor, Rose. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Rose, and never let go of that promise.” - Jack Dawson, Titanic (1997)

This relates to: Michael

All of his life, Michael had focused on achieving things and fulfilling his goals in life. But of all the success and rewarding career he's got today, he also chose to let go a girl whom he had always loved even while coming across the borders of different countries. For now, even looking from a far, he still wishes her all the happiness in life.

6. Brokeback Mountain

"Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Fuckin' real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Ennis! So what we got now is Brokeback Mountain! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, fuckin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short fucking leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you. I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude fucks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Ennis, you sonofawhoreson bitch! I wish I knew how to quit you." - Jack Twist, Brokeback Mountain (2005)

This relates to: Jeanal

When Jeanal falls in love, she tends to do the stupidest things a girl could ever do even though she perfectly knows how great the consequences are. This movie relates to her as if she is Jack Twist wanting to quit Ennis but cannot do so. She's trying her hardest to find another way to quit this guy, but unfortunately, she just can't stop and still continues to see them. And God knows when she will ever get to learn.

5. 50 First Dates

"You erased me from your memories because you thought you were holding me back from having a full and happy life. But you made a mistake. Being with you is the only way I could have a full and happy life. You're the girl of my dreams. And apparently, I'm the man of yours." - Henry Roth, 50 First Dates (2004)

This relates to: Joseph

The movie doesn't exactly relate to Joseph as this will be totally farfetched to how he would ever love a girl. I could say that the only reason to relate this movie to him is because he somehow resembled to Adam Sandler's personality as Henry Roth in this movie: He is the ladies' man and quitting on girls would be as simple as jumping out on the water and pretend to be a secret agent, then never show up to her again. As to falling in love for real? God also knows when.

4. One More Chance

"I want my heart to stop breaking, sana pag naging tayo na ulit, kaya na kitang mahalin ng buong buo. na walang halong takot kung masaktan man tayo ulit."- Popoy, One more Chance (2007)

This relates to: Kristine

This movie entirely relates to how wonderful Kristine's love story is. Every line, every aspect, and every character seemed to be a depiction of the real people in her life. But this movie only relates to her with one person whom she fell in love way back in college and then met again to be together today just like how John Lloyd returned from Qatar to get back to Bea Alonzo after 2 years. But on her part, he returned to her after 6 years.

3. City of Angels

"I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it."- Seth, City of Angels (1998).

This relates to: Cacy

Cacy now lives a happy life with the new phase of his life as a future husband and father. But looking back, he used to fall in love to people who always ignored his efforts and feelings as if he was just a wall to be passed on. The movie relates to his previous personality as he used to have dreams of being with certain people he liked but he never had the chance to express how sincere he had been.

2. If Only

"I have to tell you this and you need to hear it. I loved you since I met you, but I wouldn't allow myself to truly feel it until today. I was always thinking ahead, making decisions soaked with fear. Today, because of you - what I learned from you; every choice I made was different and my life has completely changed. And I've learned that if you do that, then you're living your life fully. It doesn't matter if you have five minutes or fifty years. Samantha if not for today, if not for you, I would never have known love at all. So thank you for being the person who taught me to love, and to be love." - Ian Wyndham, If Only (2004)

This relates to: Art

Art had never had a girlfriend from his younger years until he went to college and met a wonderful girl whom he never realized would taught him how great it is to fall in love. The movie relates to him being an ideal type of person: well mannered, smart, funny and has a stable family background just like Ian Wyndham. But beyond that is a girl whom he learned the appreciation of love.

1. The Notebook

"Well that's what we do, we fight. You tell me when I am being an arrogant son of a bitch and I tell you when you are a pain in the ass. Which you are, 99% of the time. I'm not afraid to hurt your feelings. You have like a 2 second rebound rate, then you're back doing the next pain-in-the-ass thing. So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like? If it's with him, go. Go! I lost you once, I think I can do it again. If I thought that's what you really wanted. But don't you take the easy way out." Noah Calhun, The Notebook (2004)

This relates to: Majoh

This movie relates a lot to Majoh's previous relationship as how Allie and Noah depicted a young love-hate relationship when they were younger. All the fighting, drama and violence were a bit similar along with the 2-minutes-after make out one the fight is over. But aside from that, the movie relates to Majoh as to how a relationship will work out for her: that no matter how bad she could be, the guy she loves would stand up for her because he loves her and he will never turn his back on her no matter what happens.

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But above all the relationship of the Chag pipz to the movies listed above, the reason why I wanted to post this list is because I love collecting the movie quotes and reading it over and over again.

If you're in love, out of love or wanting to be in love, try to read at least one of the quotes. It'll sure feed an emotional need for the day.




Photos from: The Notebook (Chron.com), My Amnesia Girl (Filipinomovies.com), Love and other drugs (Filmofilia.com), The Proposal (Grouchreviews.com), Titanic (Moviemobsters.com), 50 First dates (Reelingreviews.com), Brokeback Mountain (Senseofcinema.com), City of angels (Theamandasite.com), One more chance and If only (tumblr.com).

A Heart's Night... Part 2

"Don't ask me.
You're the one who asked me on a date.
You should know where to take me."

"You're as beautiful as they are." He made me feel at ease with those last words he just told me.

Still hesitant, I had to accept the flowers. And I still couldn't imagine myself being in a date with a guy, as a couple and with a bouquet of flowers.

This is effin' ridiculous. Nabanggit ko na lang sa sarili ko.

But then again, It would be very harsh of me to just reject him like that. At kahit papano, kahit uncomfortable para sakin, I had to accept the flowers. Ayoko rin namang sirain ang araw na toh' kahit na para sakin, Valetine's day is just one big heck of a joke.

"So? shall we?" He asked me. I nodded and followed him.

Lumalalim na ang gabi. Dumadami na rin ang couples sa paligid. Lalo akong naiilang but I'm trying me best efforts to be very OK and sweet to him. I'm trying to make myself romantic. Just so I could relate to him.

Palakad lakad lang kami. Paikot ikot sa buong area. Nagkkwentuhan pa rin kami and just merely enjoying the place. Napansin pa naming may free concert si John Ford Coley, though medyo konti ang nanonood, ayos na rin.

Out of nowhere, biglaan pa kaming tinapatan ng isang lalaking may hawak na malaking Sony HDC-1400R HD portable studio camera. Itinutok niya sa amin ang camera at inilawan pa kami. Yun pala, kinukunan kami ng crew ni Gretchen Malalad para sa news report niya. (Kung nanoood kayo ng balita ng madaling araw, malamang nakita nyo kami.)

Nagdecide na kaming kumain since gumagabi na. Nagpaikot-ikot kami sa buong area para humanap ng restaurant na masarap kainan. Sa dami ng choices, parang hindi na rin niya alam kung saan ako dadalhin.

Dito, nagsimula nakong mainis.

Napansin niyang hindi na maganda ang mood ko. Kaya para lang mapakain na niya ko, pumili na siya ng malapit na restaurant sa paligid.

"Ano? Dito na lang tayo?" Tanong niya sakin.

"Ewan ko sayo. Don't ask me. You're the one who asked me on a date. You should know where to take me." Naiinis ko siyang nilitanyahan.

Alam kong hindi na rin siya comfortable since inaatake na siya ng Dyspepsia. Pinili na naming kumain sa Stackers Burger Cafe. Sa puntong ito, medyo irritable nako dahil ramdam ko na rin naman ang pagod sa paikot ikot lang na lakad namin thinking na nanggaling pako sa trabaho.

Medyo gumagabi na rin naman noon kaya hindi na rin namin maiwasang madaliin ang "romantic" date sana namin. Ang backfire pa, medyo mabagal ang service ng crew dahil na rin sa dami ng tao.

He ordered chicken while I ordered burger. It turned out to be a casual dining experience for both of us. Afterwards, we've both decided to go home. We took a cab going home to our apartments. Epic fail pa nga ang taxi ride namin pauwi dahil nagkamali ng nilusutang kalye yung taxing sinasakyan namin.

I got home having the three fuschia pink roses with me. But before the night ended, he confessed to me that during the time he was offering me the flowers, people were staring at him. Napahiya daw siya though OK lang daw sa kanya because he fully understands how I feel.

Ako naman ang na-frustrate.

I guess I've been a bit harsh about how I over-reacted. It's Valentine's day. People give each other flowers. It doesn't have to be romantic at all. Sheesh, I've just been a bit bitchy.

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It was our first Valentine's as a couple.. again. I guess the general rating as to how it ended that day will be a total "It sucked" day. Hindi yun dahil lang sa hindi siya prepared or dahil maraming failure sa date namin.

I guess the reason why it wasn't-so-romantic is because we both sucked at being romantic. He tried to do efforts thinking as if this or that is enough. I refused to cooperate. I refused to appreaciate and incorporate myself with anything happening that day. I have declined allowing myself to be expressive because I have been afraid to give more and receive less. For that, the words are "afraid-not-meeting-the-expectations".

On his part, I could say that it is pretty obvious that he had no plans. That he didn't even thought of doing anything special for us on that day. He had to chose to just let it pass... like any other couple celebrating the same day. Pero sabi ko nga, hindi ibig sabihin na napuna ko yung mga bagay na yun eh hindi ako masaya.

Naging masaya ako. I just never thought that it is how our Valentine's day would end up. I was sort fo expecting more... sana.

But like a popular line, I can just always say "It's Epic Fail."

On the other side, kahit frustrated ako, I feel so much guilty that I acted that way. In this case, (in which I know he's contantly checking my blog for updates), I'd like to let him know that I'm sorry.

I don't intend for it to happen. At the same time, I'd like to say "Thank you" to him, for trying his very best to make that day work out. It may not be the best, but I appreciate the wonderful experience.

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A Heart's Night at Eastwood City

"Did you get my point?" I asked him.
"I totally get what you mean.
You're just trying to make it sound nice, kaya ka nahihirapan."
He said.

This is kind of a bit late to tell.

But I guess there is just no point in keeping it anyway and it definitely sounded bizarre for anyone engaged in a romantic relationship. Specially for a woman.

This is entry of my thoughts regarding Valentine's Day and why I highly believe that men finds this day threatening to their lives. But before I give my explanations, let me tell a story about something that happened on Feb. 14:

I just got out of the office. Kagaya ng dati, naglalakad nako papunta sa terminal ng bus para sumakay pauwi. I saw him coming from afar.

Kinakabahan ako. Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaction ko kung sakaling magbigay siya ng roses o salubungin niya ako ng isang surprise.

Nagkalapit na kami. Like the usual, he was just carrying his bag, wearing a T-shirt and pants as if he just got out of the school. Parang normal na araw lang. And to my disappointment, wala naman akong nakitang kahit anong bitbit niya. Walang roses. Walang box of chocolates.

OK. So wala talaga siyang plano. I thought.

"Hey", bati niya sakin.

"O tara, uwi na tayo." Niyaya ko na siya. Pero deep inside nandun na ang disappointment.

"Tara, let's go to Eastwood city." Ako naman ang niyaya niya.

"Ha? Bakit?" Tinanong ko naman siya.

"Wala. It's Valentine's day and I'd like to ask you out on a date. Will you go out with me on a date?" Niyaya ulit niya ko.

"Sure ka? I mean... the money. Tsaka bakit?" Makulit nako. Hindi ko kasi alam kung anong reaction ang ibibigay ko sa kanya.

"Kasi nga it's Valentine's day. And I'd like to ask my beautiful girlfriend out on date. Will you go out with me?" He was patient on convincing me.

I stared at him indifferently, as if he was making a ridiculous move.

"O? Bakit parang indifferent ka?" He asked me.

"Hindi lang ako sanay. I'm just used to not celebrating this day. Hindi ako comfortable na makit ang sarili ko na may kadate pag ganitong okasyon." I explained to him.

"Ganun. O sige kung hindi ka kumportable, edi wag na lang siguro. Uwi na lang siguro tayo. Ayoko namang yayain kita tapos ayaw mo naman. Hindi ka kumportable." He said.

"I'll be fine. It's just that I need a few minutes to get used to this. I'll explain to you later. Hindi naman ibig sabihin nito ayokong lumabas tayo eh. I'll be fine." I assured him.

"Sure ka ha? Sige, lets just wait for a taxi." He then looked around and waved to taxi.

We took the ride going to Eastwood city and arrived there at around 5:30 PM. Inconvenient na ang pakiramdam ko. Nasa taxi pa lang kami, ayoko nang tumingin sa paligid ko. Lalo na, when we got to the mall.

Unang sumalubong samin ang vendor ng mga flowers. And I just can't seem to look at them. I was still at this state while he comfortably holds my hand as we stroll around the mall.

Patingin tingin lang muna. Paikot ikot. Then we've decided to transfer to the other side of the mall just close to the building. Nagkkwentuhan naman kami. I just really feel uncomfortable and I'm professionally hiding it from him.

Nagsisimula nakong makakita ng maraming couple sa paligid. Maraming guys na ang dumadaan na may malalaking bitbit na bouquet of flowers and roses. Marami rami na ring couples ang kasabay naming umiikot at nagsstroll sa mall. Dahil diyan, lalo na akong nagsimulang mapraning.

We both got hungry so we've decided to have a light snack since it was still too early to have dinner. We ended up having hotdogs and sat at one of the nearby benches.

Dito nako nagsimulang magexplain.

"Here's the thing. I'm just not used to celebrating Valentine's day. For me, it's just like one of the usual days. People are just making a big deal out of it." I started.

"So ibig sabihin, you don't find anything special going on this day? I mean, etong date natin parang walang special?" He threw me his first question.

"I do find it special. Special kasi, this is our first time together in this place. And this is something we always enjoy. Discovering new places, eating out on new restaurants, and just having fun." I said. "I've always enjoyed company with you. I imagine this date like one of the dates we would usually have."

"So wala ngang special? Kasi sabi mo it's like the usual dates we always have." Nagsisimula na siyang mangulit.

"It is special kasi bagong place. I guess I'm just shrugging off the thought that there has to be romance when I know there will never be something romantic that will happen. But even if there are no romantic things, it doesn't mean I won't enjoy it." Ako naman ang nagsisimula nang mag-explain.

"So it appears na fault ko yun...." He wasn't able to finish because I had to say something.

"No, I'm not saying that it is your fault. There is no one having fault on how I see this date. I just really want to shrug the thought off my head. I don't want to feel there should be something romantic that must happen tonight." I'm explaining again.

"Why do you feel that way?" Tuloy lang siya sa pagtatanong.

"Kasi, I tend to stereotype men when it comes to Valentine's day. Parang most men would do something different for their girlfriends specially during this time of the year. I mean different like surprises or something romantic like the girl will never ever forget. It's something unrealistic and I know will never happen to me. I tend to feel bitter and miserable kapag naiisip kong never ko mararanasan yun while there are special girls who deserves to experience those. I am not that special so it would not happen at anytime in my life." Hindi ko pa kumpletong explanation.

"You are special to me. Because you're my girlfriend." He said.

"I know. But, here's the thing. Para lang tong A Christmas Carol Story. There was a person who hated Christmas and is full of hatred and anger. He hated anything representing the festivity. Parang ganun lang ako pero in a different way. I'm OK celebrating Valentine's day. It's just that I don't want to incorporate myself into being included in those who celebrate with romance. I have always celebrated this day with my family and friends. But not with a guy or as a couple. I've been that way ever since and I'm used to it." Dagdag ko pa sa malabong explanasyon ko.

"OK, I think we're at the same page. Just stop explaining kasi nahihirapan ka na eh." He convinced me. Pero hindi pa pala siya tapos. "I guess I just want to say sorry, that you don't feel anything romantic with this."

At napa-explain na naman ako. "No, don't say sorry. It's not your fault it's because of me. I don't want to feel that today is Valentine's day and I don't want to feel that I should be experiencing something romantic. I'm fine with it. I'm used to it. Did you get my point?"

"I totally get what you mean. You're just trying to make it sound nice, kaya ka nahihirapan." he said.

"I just don't know how to explain it." I sighed.

"So, you don't see anything romantic with our date tonight?" He asked.

"No..." I said in lower voice.

"Ok. I guess we should just stop talking about it. Kasi nahihirapan ka lang din mag-explain." He calmly told me and closed the conversation.

"So shall we stroll around na?" Niyaya ko na siya.

"Sige, kaso I badly need to go to the CR. Wait up for me here." He said.

"OK." I said back as he went away to look for a CR. I just grabbed my phone and put on the headsets. I started browsing through the songs and listened while waiting.

There was something in me telling that he's got plans of doing something. But deep inside, I'm saying "Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it."

And then he came back... with a bouquet of roses with him.

Napa-irap ako and I felt devastated. I felt like I made him feel that he should buy me flowers when I actually don't intend to make him look at my explanations that way. I felt desperate. I felt pitiful. I felt mad at him for making me look like I'm a kid crying out so he could buy me what I want. And I totally had to react differently when he gave me the roses.

"Happy Valentine's day Hon." He went down on his knees and handed me the roses.

Devastated and uncomfortable, i did not accepted the roses. I didn't even looked at him and frustratedly said "Bakit ka bumili ng roses? Ayokong tanggapin yan. Ayoko ng bulaklak."

"Bakit naman? These are for you." Inaabot pa rin niya sakin ang roses.

Napadabog ako at iniiwas ko ang sarili ko sa kanya. "Ayokong ng bulaklak. I told you don't do anything like this. I don't want flowers and I don't want to associate myself with Valentine's day."

Disappointed, he said. "Well.. I could always throw the flowers na lang if you don't want them."

"It's just that, why did you have to do it. I didn't want flowers and I told you, I'm shrugging off the romantic thoughts. Hindi ako dapat makareceive ng mga ganito." Naiinis pa rin ako. Pero I can't keep myself that way.

He's trying his best to be gentle to me. "But for me, you deserve them. You're special to me and I'm giving it to you because I love you."

He was just so patient and understanding that just the look from his eyes made me accept the roses. I took it out of his hands and asked him. "Bagay ba sakin toh'? Hindi ako bagay sa flowers eh."

"Of course you are. You're as beautiful as they are." He made me feel at ease.


... to be continued.



- chagadelic gurl -

Happy V-day!

"Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day."
~ Jay Leno

Hi guys! Sorry I've been so much busy for a while.

Napadaan nga lang ako eh... on my own blog.

Well, I just dont want to skip this day without having to greet everyone a Happy V-day!

I know, "V" can stand for a lot of meanings. And yes, today is the time of the year when most men feel like its the Judgement day.

Since I really need to run now (I'm stealing away a time here in the office), I might as well just continue with this post within the coming days.

And maybe, I'll be able to squeeze out more thoughts about this day.

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But for now, I'm just leaving this post with a greeting...


Happy V-day Everyone!


...to be continued.



- chagadelic gurl -

Coffee with Chard

"Men propose marriage primarily because they want the physical, emotional and intellectual companionship of a woman. Men like company." - Lisa Daily from Lifewise.com

I just realized this morning that talking to men gets you the answers that you've always wanting to ask your guy.

And just early this morning, I've had a conversation with Chard, one of my officemates.

I went to the pantry area to get myself a cup of coffee. Naabutan kong nandun din si Chard and making himself a cup of coffee too. Niyaya niya akong sabayan siya.

I'm not used to staying longer minutes in the pantry since I have loads of work in the morning. I just usually get myself a cup of coffee then head back towards my desk. But this morning, Chard insisted me on joining him in the pantry area. So sige, I gave it a try.

Si Chard ang isa sa mga pinakakilala ng lahat. Bukod sa lagi siyang nasa guard's area, he really makes sure that he greets everybody a "good morning". And so far, I did not expected that talking to him this morning would ease my frustrations.

I poured hot water on my cup. Naupo ako sa isa sa mga chairs sa dining area sa pantry. Naupo naman siya sa harap ko.

Kwentuhan. Kwentuhan. Kwentuhan.

Nauwi ang usapan sa rEl@sYoN...

Naikwento niya sakin ang karanasan niya sa mga nakarelasyon niya. Sa mga naging girlfriend niyang niloko niya, sa mga naging girlfriend niyang minahal niya, at sa mga naging girlfriend niyang hindi niya maintindihan kung paanong naging sila. Naikwento niya rin sakin ang pagiging tatay niya sa isang batang nagmula sa babaeng hindi naman niya talaga karelasyon. At dahil diyan, napakwento na rin ako.

Naikwento ko ang tungkol sa Ex ko. Naikwento ko ang tungkol sa kung papaano kaming naghiwalay. Naikwento kong ikakasal na ang ex ko. At a short period of time, ikakasal na siya. And I'm a bit bothered about it.

"Wala naman talaga akong pakeelam kung ikakasal na siya. Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit apektado pa rin ako ah hindi ko naman na siya mahal." I told him.

"Sabi pa ng bestfriends ko, possible din daw na kaya siya ikakasal eh dahil may nangyari. Within a span of a year, they decided to get married. Masyadong mabilis." I added.

Sumagot naman si Chard. "Possible ngang may dahilan. Dalawang bagay lang yan. It's either nabuntis niya yung girl, o di kaya, naisip niyang ayaw niyang mangyari sa kanya ang ginawa niya sayo. Kasi kung gawain niya, talagang matatakot siya sa karma. Natatakot siyang iwan din siya ng biglaan kasi gawain niya. Kaya feeling ko, kaya siya nagdecide magpakasal dun sa girl eh para mai-secure na yung gurl. Kumbaga, mawawalan na siya ng rights na manlalaki kasi kasal na. Gusto nitong lalaki ng security kasi palibhasa, gawain niyang mangiwan. Ayaw din niyang iwanan siya."

Somehow, mejo nabawasan ang tanong ko about my ex. But I'm still bothered.

Medyo sinermonan pako ni Chard, "Wag mo na dapat pang problemahin kung masaya sila o hindi. Ang importante, dapat ikaw ang masaya."

I breathed deeply.

Maiksi lang ang pagtambay ko sa pantry with Chard. But it sort of lessen up my frustrations. Kahit papano kasi, kahit hindi masyadong malinaw, nasagot ang mga tanong ko on my why the heck is my Ex getting married.

I guess about my Ex, who left me because of another girl whom he just met in the chatroom, I am frustrated that he left me a year ago and chose not to communicate and end things up in a well manner. But I'm also glad that he left me because if he didn't, I would realize how wonderful life is around me.

And that he was just another guy, came into my life and taught me lessons.

Even if he is indeed a big effin pervert and a major jerk, I guess once in our lives we get to meet people like this. They will either ruin you or make you stronger. In my case, It made me stronger. And with all the hurt and the pain he left me, I still am thankful and grateful that at some point in my life, fate had to remind me to grow up.

Do I still love my ex?

No not anymore. In fact, I wish him the happiness that he deserves. I already am happy with myself and I'll get more happiness with my present life and loving relationships.

As of the present time, I know that he is getting married anytime soon.

And I guess, kung tama nga ang assumption ni Chard. Then possibly, he doesn't know what he's doing. He just simply wanted to have someone by his side and lock her up to himself. But it isn't all about because he wanted to build a family with her, or to grow old with her. It is just all about being secured that someone is stuck in his life. But if things do not go his way, he will probably look for another wife. And this girl he's marrying, she definitely will be devastated.

I believe that marriage is more than just sex, or love, or companionship. Like what Shyder has always been telling me, it is all about maturity. It is all about accepting the next phase of life: building your own family with kids, a home and providing them with their needs. It isn't about just the two of you alone. Its more complex than just securing someone in your life.

Marriage means that you also have to accept him in his entirety. No matter how stupid he gets. No matter how incapable he is in maintaining a well-cleaned home. And no matter how idiotic life would be with him. You have to remember, you married him. And again, marrying someone doesn't him you're just marrying his personality. It meant marrying his humanity.

Oh well, I guess Chard really impacted my day.



- chagadelic gurl -

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

"But there's a danger in loving somebody too much, and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust. There's a reason why people don't stay where they are. Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough. " - Patti Smith

I'm gonna tell a story.

Mababaw lang. Hindi masyadong detalyado. Kaya ko lang naisipang isulat ay dahil sa curiosity kong malaman ang kasagutan sa sitwasyon na ito.

Kasi mahirap. Kahit ako hindi ko alam ang sagot. First time kong mailagay ang sarili ko sa ganitong sitwasyon.

To start off, there is this guy na matagal na niyang kakilala. But the meet up was not the usual friendship na nakasama mo sa school project or nakilala mo sa office nyo'.

She met him through an online chat. They met up, gone to dates and even done pretty little things na unusual sa mag-kaibigan lang. But she was fine with it. He was too. Both of them weren't committed.

It was a fine friendship. Kung minsan may kulitan. Kung minsan may asaran. At kung minsan may dramahan. It involved feelings. It envolved emotions for both of them. But there was no strings attached.

He longed for her everyday. She longed for him everyday too. Nagumpisa sa casual na relationship. Hanggang sa mauwi sa development involving attraction and love.

She didn't expected for it to happen. He didn't too.

They just went all the way until they found themselves attached to each other.

For less than year, they went out on dates. Met up at the mall, watch movies and kiss before the day ends. There was no formal relationship. It was just friendship. He is single. She is too.

Though, within the same year, despite of seeing each other, they still had casual dates outside of their friendship. But the communication is always there and it was fine. He didn't had a problem going out with friends and work but still communicate with her. She is too. She was able to manage her self with the other parts of her life such as work, girl friends and her self.

Until such time that she thought of clarifying her position in his life. She wanted to know why he still hasn't popped the question. "Can we be together?"

They were fine together. They jive really well. They have a lot of things in common and they both enjoy each other's company. He is single. She is too. With all the feelings they have for each other, why isn't he asking her to be with him... to be his girlfriend?

"I don't want to lose you
but I don't want to use you
just to have somebody by my side. I don't want to hate you,
I don't want to take you
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door."

She asked him.

He told her that he can't commit.

She wondered why and asked him the reason.

He couldn't tell her.

She asked him again.

He told her to go. Find someone else better that him. He told her that she has a life... that they aren't meant for each other.

She tried to understand him but he kept shoving her away. She chose to move one.

Until one day, he came back. He consoled her. She listened and kept him back. They were fine again. But the answer as to why they can't have a relationship is still there.

The special friendship went on again. They kep seeing each other. They kept communicating and gone to dates. But in her mind, she kept asking why.

She finally had the courage to ask him. But before that was an intense scenario. They made love with each other. He expressed to him how he feels and she gave herself whole heartedly. After what happened to them, she had no regrets. She admitted, she loves him.

She asked her if he loved her. He answered the question as to why they couldn't be together.

"Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change."

He already has a girlfriend. They've been together for eight years now and eh couldn't leave her because she was always trying to kill herself. He desired to be free. But he couldn't take it into his conscience that he will be happy and she will keep killing herself because he left her.

He wanted a peaceful exit. But he coudn't do it yet. He wanted to give this new girl a good start without having to look back. Without people trying to intrude their happy life together.

He just couldn't do it yet.

She just had to cry. She cried every night thinking about it. She wanted him so much. She loves him so much. She believes that no other man can ever take his place. It's just that why can't they be together.

She knew that he loves her too. But like before, all he ever says is move on. "Live your life outside this relationship. You're smart, you're pretty, you don't deserve to be treated this way."

She took his advice. But she couldn't deny that she loves him so much. She wanted him so much that she could kneel down in prayers all day just so they could be together.

But things had to fixed yet. And the only question is... is it still worthy to wait? ... when you're not sure of what you're waiting for?

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Mega english ako.

Hindi pa naman dumudugo ang ilong ko.

Pero yun ang question.

I talked to some of my friends about it. Guy friends that is. They told me:

"It isn't all about love. Kahit mahal mo siya, kung gago naman ang pagtrato niya sayo. Walang sense. Simpleng relasyon, hindi niya maibigay. Anong sense na magstay ka?."

Another friend told me.

"Kung worthy maghintay, depende. Sometimes, Ok din ang maghintay. pero dapat alamin mo kung hanggang kelan ka lang maghihintay."

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Kayo, ano sa palagay nyo?



- chagadelic gurl -





- Sometimes Love Just Aint Enough Mp3

Bangus, Polvoron at Chick'n Joy

Nagsindi na naman ako ng yosi.

Napayosi ako sa tindi ng usapan namin nina HG at VG (See The Curiosity of A Virgin).

Emotions ang labanan. Labasan na naman ng sama ng loob tungkol sa mga lalaki. This time iba na naman ang problema ni VG. Nakamove on na siya sa confusion niya kung papatulan pa ba niya ang ex niyang rocky road ang mukha. Ngayon naman, panay ang labas namin ng hinaing sa kung bakit na naman sila ganon. Bakit pag kampante na sila, nawawala na rin ang pagpapahalaga?

Nagyosi ulit ako. Sabay kuha ng Bangus at binuksan ito. Pinapak ko ang bawat piraso habang nagkukwento na naman si VG.

"Takot yun sakin kapag magkaharap kami. Pag sa text lang naman yun ganito eh. Nakakailang text ako sa isang araw. Ang gusto ko lang naman yung magreply siya kahit konti lang eh. Sabihan man lang ako ng 'Ingat ka', 'Kain ka na'.. o di kaya 'Miss you na'. Kaso nakakailang text ako sa maghapon, ni isa man lang walang reply." VG vented out.

"Tangna', napayosi talaga ko sa usapang toh ah. Bakit nga ba kasi sila ganyan? Kapag kampante na sila, wala na lang. Papabayaan ka na. God!" napayosi na naman ako.

"Eh kasi, ganun nga sila. Kapag kampante na sila, magiiba na ang focus ng mga yan. Kasi nandyan ka lang naman eh. Kaya minsan dapat ginagawa mo pa ring mysterious ang sarili mo." HG commented and continued "Eh kasi naman, wag ka agad bubukaka. LOL"

Natawa rin ako, "Eh kasi naman, bumigay ka din agad noh. Masyadong mabilis ang mga pangyayari sa inyo. Dapat kasi hinayaan mo muna rin siyang mageffort."

Natawa na lang din si VG. Hindi ko alam kung nakikinig siya sa mga sinabi namin or nasasarapan na siya sa pagkain ng mga junk food na binili namin.

"Nagpunta na ba siya sa inyo", I asked her.

"Hindi pa." VG answered.

Nagsindi na rin ng yosi si HG.

"Alam mo kasi, parehas lang tayo ng problema. Magkaiba lang ng format. Ang problema mo, hindi nagpaparamdam sayo kahit makailang text ka. Ang problema ko, magkasama nga kami.. hindi naman ako pinapansin. Mas mahal pa niya yung part time job kesa sakin. Wala na siyang ibang binanggit kundi yung part time job. Yun lang daw ang makakapagpasaya sa kanya. Eh, hello? Wala ba 'ko dito? Duh? Kaasar!" Now I started venting out myself.

I continued, "Sino ba kasi nagimbento ng part time job??? Naiinis lang ako. All he ever thought about is getting that stupid part time job. He couldn't be thankful because I'm still here. He couldn't be thankful because at least, may regular siyang trabaho. He couldn't be thankful with the thought na meron siyang dadating na 13th month pay. At least meron diba? The fact na meron. Pero talagang dinadamdam niya lahat yung mga bagay na wala. Nakakainis na. Nakakasawa nang pakinggan. Paulit ulit na. Part time job.. Part time job.. Part time job.. God! Tapos sasabihin niya sakin pinagseselosan ko yung mga bagay na yun. No I don't. It's just that he's so much pre-occupied with those things. Pati yung desktop na gusto niyang iassemble, naiinis nako kasi yun talaga, pinagaaralan niya.. nireresearch pa niya at pag dumadating ako ng bahay, nagkalat ang mga papel tungkol pa rin lahat sa PC parts na gusto niyang buuin. Damn! Mabuti pa yung PC napagaralan niya. Samantalang yung samin, he couldn't even make an effort to date me at somehow, a place that would perfectly be romantic for both of us. Yung sakin, walang research research. Yung mga dates namin, biglaan lang..hindi man lang napagisipan. They spend so much time on thinking about other things samantalang ikaw, they just give you kung ano lang ang meron na diyan. Yung ibang bagay, mas mahalaga pa rin talaga at kailangang pinagaaralan masyado."

I asked HG, "Mali bako? Gusto ko lang ng attention and appreciation from him."

Tahimik lang si VG, then HG answered me. "Hindi."

"Bakit?" I asked again.

"Eh kasi nature nating mga babae yan eh. Yun ang hinahanap natin, na maalagaan. Kasi sa lalaki, tayo ang nawawala nilang tadyang. Tayo ang kakulangan nila sa pagkatao nila. Tayo bilang babae, nature natin na maramdaman at hanapin yung security. Tayo ang nawawala nilang tadyang, at Biblical yan ah. Galing pa sa misa." She answered me completely.

I laughed a bit. May point siya. Kaya siguro naghahanap kami ni VG ng security. Kaya siguro naghahanap kami na maramdaman yung feeling na inaalagaan kami.

I didn't know that.

"Sige, sasabihin ko pag nagkausap ulit kami." I said. "I'm definitely going to blog this."

"Uy, wag. Baka basahin ni boyfriend." VG warned me.

"So? It's my blog." I told her. "Tsaka para malaman ng jowa mong sira ulo. Yung sayo naman kasi, imagine, 3 days walang paramdam. Tapos ano? Asan siya? Nagagalit siya pag nakakawala ka. Pero pag ikaw, hindi ka pwedeng magalit? That is lame. How sure are you na nasa hospital lang yun at hindi nambababae? Sorry siya ng sorry eh wala namang nangyayari."

HG followed my comments, "Tsaka alam mo ang immature nang boyfriend mo. Walang ka-effort effort na pumunta sa inyo. Maganda ka naman, may trabaho ka pa. Maraming ibang lalaki jan. Bakit ba ipinagpipilitan mo ang sarili mo dun eh andami dami mo pang mahahanap. Hindi mo mababago yang boyfriend mo. Binibigyan mo lang ang sarili mo ng problema. Sabi nga ni Papa Jack, nasa heaven ka dapat kapag nasa relasyon ka. Pero iba na yan kapag hell na."

Ginisa na naman namin si VG.

Tahimik lang siya.

"Magbreak na kayo nang boyfriend mo." HG advised her.

Bilang mabait na kaibigan, I followed her. "Oo nga, magbreak na kayo. Walang kwenta ang relasyon nyo'."

"One month pa lang kayo ganyan na kayo. Magbreak na kayo kasi naglolokohan lang kayo. Sa tuwing nawawala yang boyfriend mo naghahanap ka nang attensyon sa iba. Magbreak na kayo."

VG breathed deeply.

Hindi ko alam kung nakikinig ba talaga siya o nagigising na siya sa katotohanan.

I suggested something, "Alam mo, parehas lang tayo ng sitwasyon. Magkaiba lang ng format. Kaya ang gawin mo. Wag ka na lang magfocus dun. Gumimik na lang tayo at manlalaki."

They laughed a bit.

"Seryoso ko. Tara gumimik na lang tayo. Pabayaan natin yang mga lalaki na yan. At least naman, maiba man lang ang mundo natin. LOL" I said.

They liked my idea.

"Gawd! I just wish wala na lang talagang nagimbento ng part time job". I said.

"Hahahaha. Manlalaki na nga lang tayo." HG suggested.

"I know, right." I answered back.

We laughed out.



- chagadelic gurl -

Bakit kami SINGLE?

"Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove that you can still stand."- Anonymous

Maraming kumakalat na quotes sa Facebook.

Isa na nga yung photo sa taas sa mga nahanap ko. Dahil diyan, naalala ko si HG (Hottie Gurl. See "The Curiosity of a Virgin").

Naalala ko siya. At naalala ko kung bakit nga ba kami SINGLE.

Si HG, panay ang textmates. Panay ang kakakolekta ng boys sa workplace, sa chatroom at minsan sa paligid ligid lang. Pero kung tatanungin mo siya kung may nakarelasyon siya lately, proud niyang sasabihin sayong WALA. Bakit? May hinihintay siya. Pero at the same time, she is enjoying the benefits of a happy single life.
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Which I also do. LOL.

Bakit nga ba kami SINGLE?.. kahit naman may mga lalaki sa paligid namin? Bakit may mga taong ganito ang pinipili? Bakit may mga taong tumatanda nang walang asawa o walang karelasyon? Worst case, NBSB...

Sa obserbasyon ko, minsan kasi, ang relasyon, sa halip na maging dahilan ng kasiyahan mo, yun pa ang nagiging dahilan ng pagguho ng mundo mo. Hindi dahil babaero siya o dahil sa ipinagpalit ka niya sa kakambal ni Inday. Minsan kasi, may mga relasyong hindi magwork at mas magandang hayaan mo na lang na wala kayong commitment. Dahil kung sakaling mang hindi magtagal ang lahat, at least, walang attachment. Wala kang sasabihan ng "Break na tayo!", dahil hindi naman kayo.

Eto ang katwiran namin ni HG. Kung may iba pang dahilan kung bakit single ang ibang tao, hindi ko alam. Pero sa totoo lang, minsan kasi.. ang sarap lang talagang mapagisa.

Isang gabi. Dumaan si HG sa bahay habang bisita ko si Shyder. Magpapalipas lang daw siya ng oras dahil may "Midnight date" sila ng jowa jowa-an niyang tawagin natin sa pangalang Jejeguy...

9PM. Kwentuhan. Iniwan ko muna si Shyder sa living room. Nakatulugan niya ang pakikipagkwentuhan ko kay HG.

10PM. Dumating ang isa naming kaibigan. Kwentuhan ulit. Tulog pa rin si Shyder sa living room namin.

11PM. Umuwi na ang kaibigan namin. Kwentuhan pa rin kami ni HG. Nagsimula na siyang magdrama.

12PM. Panay na ang text niya kay Jejeguy. Kung hindi walang response, puro excuse kung tuloy o hindi ang lakad nila.

1AM. Todo drama na si HG. Sa kabila kasi ng pagtakas niya sa bahay nila, at paghihintayng mahigit apat na oras, sasabihan lang siya ni Jejeguy na 'Matulog ka na.'

2AM. Gising na si Shyder. Sa dinami dami ng sumbatan at dramahan ni HG at Jejeguy, natuloy din naman ang midnight date nila... sa McDonald's. Hinatid namin siya ni Shyder para i-meet si Jejeguy. After nun, movie marathon na kami ni Shyder sa usapang natuloy nang 2AM na dapat ay 10PM nang nakaraang gabi.

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Nung gabi na yun, kasama sa mga dramahan namin ni HG ay kung bakit ganyan silang mga lalaki... Bakit ang hilig hilig nilang magexcuse? Bakit andami dami pa nilang sinasabi? Bakit hindi na lang sabihin ng diretso kung ano ang gusto talaga nilang mangyari? Bakit sa dinami dami nang nangyari, sasabihan ka lang nila ng 'Tama na, andito na nga ako eh. Ano bang kinagagalit mo?'... At ikaw naman babae, konting sorry lang.. Ok na ulit.

Matapos ang gabing yun, nagkita ulit kami ni HG kinabukasan. At sa kabila ng galit ni HG nang nakaraang gabi, napawi rin naman ito nang pagbigyan siya ni Jejeguy na makapagusap sila. Tapos na ang dramahan. Balik ulit sa dati. Parang walang nangyari.

Ano ang conclusion kung bakit kami SINGLE?

Kasi, mahirap ang commitment kung minsan. Ipagmamalaki mong kayo na. Ipopost mo sa Facebook ang mga photos nyo'. Ipagmamayabang mo sa mundo na mahal na mahal nyo' ang isa't isa sa pamamagitan ng paulit ulit na pagcocomment sa mga status nyo'. Ipapakilala mo sa pamilya, kaibigan, kaklase, katrabaho, kapatid ng nanay ng tiyuhin ng pinsan ng barkada ng katrabaho mo. At kapag may gusot kayo, apektado lahat..alam nang lahat at halatang halata sa mga accounts nyo'. Masyadong maraming publicity ang relasyon. Masyado ring maraming makakaalam kapag nasaktan ka. Bakit kailangan gawing kumplikado ang lahat kung sa huli naman, either itutuloy nyo' sa kasalan ang patagong relasyon ninyo o magkakalimutan lang din naman kayo.

Kaya sa halip na ipangalandakan namin ang mga sarili namin na may mga special na tao sa buhay namin, ipinapanatili na lang namin ito sa mga sarili namin. Kung anuman ang mangyari, hindi nila alam.. hindi ganun kahalata at walang masyadong magrereact.

I know, it obviously sounds na ineexpect namin ni HG na magkakaroon lang ng problema ang relasyon. Which is true, and no one will ever be exempted sa mga issues basta may ibang tao kang pinapaasok sa buhay mo. Sa madaling salita, play safe lang kami. Magwork man o hindi, secured ang mga sarili namin. Para kaming mga computer, in case na walang antivirus at mapasukan ng Trojan, handa na ang mga back up files at handa na rin kaming magreformat anytime.

Sa totoo lang, wala naman talagang masama kung SINGLE ang isang tao.
May mga taong pinipili ito.
May mga taong gusto ng katahimikan.
At may mga taong naniniwalang hindi kailangan ng public status ng relasyon... kami yun. LOL.

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At hindi ko alam kung may sense ang blog ko ngayon o dahil lang ba ito sa tatlong Sleepasil na nainom ko kagabi. LOL



- chagadelic gurl -

The Ex-Factor

"It amazes me so that we enter a relationship whole and leave it only a half."

Dear Chag Gurl,

Hi, I've been a fan of your blog ever since you started doing work articles this year. I love your thoughts about work and about how to deal with common situations in the workplace. That's why, I would like to get your opinion and advice on this situation that I've gotten myself into.
Here's the story:

Way back in College, I met this guy James whom I go to the same class. Hindi ko siya type, as in hindi talaga! With all the get up and the looks, wala siya sa list ng dream guys ko. We started out as friends lang, with me not thinking about having any type of thing going on for him. Pero yun pala, he likes me pala. And because I'm the only single girl in my circle of friends. I had to go along with his "playing game thingie".. So, naging kami. The game lasted for about 3 to 4 months then we both realized that we both wanted to pursue the relationship to a more serious one. So tinuloy namin yung dating laro lang into something serious na akala ko, will lead to a happy ending. Yun lang, so much for the seriousness na nauwi kami sa intense na relationship. It's like we make love the first hour, fight the next hour, make love again, hurt each other, make love again then fight again... as in sobrang magulo. What made the case more complicated was that I got pregnant. Ok sa umpisa, sabi niya, let's keep the kid. So we waited 9 months for me to give birth to our baby boy and then I thought he'll be staying with for good na. We decided to live together but unfortunately, It did not work out. He comes in very late at night. He keeps his cellphone away from me. Hindi siya nagpapaalam o nagsasabi kung saan siya pupunta or anong oras siya uuwi, parang walang pakelamanan. But take note of this: we still have sex every night he comes home. Until one night, I got to check what he's really upto so while he's at the shower, chi-neck ko yung cellphone niya and there I found it... kaya pala hindi siya minsan umuuwi, or late siyang dumadating at parang iwas siya na makita ko phone niya is because may iba na pala siyang babae.. and what hurts more is that nalaman ko sa mga texts nila na nagli-live in na rin pala sila. So i confronted him, he just denied everything and he got so mad that he walked out and totally left the house, buti na lang, our kid wasn't with us kasi dun siya nagsstay in sa house ng parents ko. After that argument, he NEVER came back.. he NEVER showed up to me or to our kid.. or even to my parents. I got so hurt that I decided na hindi ako maghahabol sa kanya or sa kanila ng pera. After 2 years, I got myself to move on. I am raising the kid on my own and now works as a call center agent in Mandaluyong. One time when I was at Trinoma I noticed someone who looked so familiar as I passed by a store. I was so shocked to see James and yung girl na pinalit niya sakin, and guess what, she's pregnant! I think about 6 to 7 months. I got so upset that day na kailangan ko pa silang makita so agad agad akong umalis ng mall. And another thing, I can't explain it but I have this feeling going on na parang gusto ko pa rin siyang balikan. I know I never did liked him or loved him that much before, pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit gusto kong magpaganda everyday para makita niyang magandang maganda ako...kesa sa pinalit niya. Minsan kasi naiisip ko pa rin na kahit papano' minahal ko naman din siya. Btw, may present na nga pala akong boyfriend ngayon and we also live together. He accepts my son and he accepts me as well being a single mom. We both work in the call center where I'm working. Hope I can get your opinion about this. Thanks a lot! Love your blog!

From,

babytweets0208

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Dearest babytweets0208,

Maraming salamat sa pagtangkilik sa blog kong ito. Hindi ko sukat akalain na meron na pala talagang kong mga mambabasa at hindi ako nagiilusyon lang. LOL.

Pero, isa rin sa hindi ko inaasahan na first time kong magbibigay ng advice sa blog ko, medyo ganito pa kaintense yung sitwasyon. Parang habang binabasa ko pa lang yung situation mo, parang nasasabi ko sa sarili kong hindi ata ako ang akmang tao na dapat magbigay sayo ng advice. LOL. Parang feeling ko, masyado akong walang experience at knowledge para magbigay sayo ng advice sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. Pero dahil ako ang napili mo, Ok sige.. ihanda mo na ang Decaf Hot Caramel Macchiato ko at uumpisahan ko na ang paglilitanya.

Kagabi, habang binabasa ko ang email mo, panay ang lunok ko habang ginagawan ko ng runthrough ang bawat sentences ng letter mo. Sobrang familiar ng story, parang narinig ko lang kahapon.

As I remember, you mentioned: "I can't explain it but I have this feeling going on na parang gusto ko pa rin siyang balikan. I know I never did liked him or loved him that much before, pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit gusto kong magpaganda everyday para makita niyang magandang maganda ako...kesa sa pinalit niya.Minsan kasi naiisip ko pa rin na kahit papano' minahal ko naman din siya. "

Funny. Sinabi ko rin yan dati except sa part na gusto ko siyang balikan. At masasabi kong normal na reaction yan nang isang babaeng nasaktan at niloko ng lalaking hindi naman talaga worthy.. hindi kamukha ni Akihiro Sato at hindi kasing galing ni Chris Tiu. Lalo na at makikita mo sila ulit na parang feeling mo, they don't deserve a happy ending and yet there they are, kasama ang ipinalit niya sayo at ang saya saya pa nila.. Ouch!

Pride yan gurl. Kasi niloko ka. Gusto mong patunayan na wala nang mas hihigit pa sayo at syempre mas special ka sa ipinalit niya sayo'. Which is.. nararamdaman naman nang lahat ng mga ex-es na ipinagpalit .."Ako ang mas better". ~ Yan ang madalas nilang litanya.

Medyo nabother lang ako dun sa part na gusto mo pa rin siyang balikan. Well, here's the case, he cheated on you and yung feeling na gusto mo siyang balikan ay dahil nga lang sa gusto mong ipamukha sa kanyang "Es-tu-pi-do" siya dahil ipinagpalit ka niya. I would bet, kung sakali mang makakaharap mo siya ulit, hindi make love ang gusto mo talagang gawin... kundi iumpog ang ulo niya sa pader ng tatlong libong beses, isubsob siya sa putikan ng limang daang beses at tapak tapakan ang likod niya ng anim na libong beses.. dahil ginago ka niya. At wala pa siyang consideration sa tagal ng pinagsamahan nyo'... lalong lalo na sa anak nyo'.

I guess the best thing that you could do is to just totally move on.. be happy that someone else is loving you now and accepting you kahit na may mga imperfections ka. Also, despite of the hatred sa Ex mo, try to be happy na lang for him.. at least, you did not ended up with him. Think about it na lang.. what life would he give you kung nagkatuluyan pa kayo eh may ganyang ugali naman pala siya? And we both know, being together is not just all about sex.. it's about companionship.. compromise.. and love.

But I do admire your strength on moving on the first time and still doing so even today. It's good to know that you did not gave up that someone else will be there to love you.. even if he dumped you.

Focus on your new life. Focus on your new career. Focus on your new relationship.
Let him go. Who needs a trash anyway?



- chagadelic gurl -

Emo Mode

Hindi ako ma-Emo-ng tao.

Hindi rin naman ako bitter.

Pero natuwa lang ako nang makita ko ang mga toh' sa isang page sa Facebook (At hindi naman masyadong halata na mahilig akong magFacebook).

Tamaan na kung sinong tatamaan. LOL



















Natatawa lang ako kapag nakikita ko ang mga toh'. Pero talagang ngayon mo masasabi, maraming tao ngayon ang nag-eEmo... LOL.


- chagadelic gurl -

How could you be so Heartless?

To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.
Bess Myerson

The worst thing that a guy could ever do to a girl is making her feel that she is unworthy to love and be loved. It's like you're being crushed inside and worst part is..

you just can't tell, and he simply don't care even if you tell him.

Ouch!

*Emo Mode. LOL

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Eto ang pinakamahirap sa lahat ng relasyong pwede mong pagdaanan. Yun bang tipong mahal na mahal mo siya. Kung pwede mo lang ibigay ang lahat gagawin mo. Tapos malalaman mo na lang in the end, hindi ka naman pala talaga mahalaga sa kanya.

Eto ang isa sa mga topic na madalas naming pagusapan ni Che (Isa sa mga tropang Chag).

Palibhasa, kaming dalawa lang ang single na laging magka-mingle (dahil pareho kami ng love story..almost), kaya puro ganito ang napaguusapan namin tungkol sa mga guys na dumadaan sa buhay namin.

Self Worth. Anong worth mo sa kanya?

Naranasan ko nang main-love... na obvious naman sa ilang mga blog entries ko. Naranasan ko na ring ma-fall out of love... at yan' ang di ko pa naikkwento.)

Both sides, mahirap. Ikaw man ang nasaktan o ikaw ang nakakasakit.

May naranasan din akong in between sa dalawang sitwasyon: Ikaw ang nasaktan pero ikaw din mismo ang na-fall out of love. Gulo?

Oo kahit ako naguguluhan eh.

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Hindi rin ako feminist. Marunong akong makaintindi sa nararamdaman ng lalaki. - pero dapat hindi ko siya boyfriend. LOL

Isang bagay lang na hindi ko maintindihan sa mga lalaki:

Bakit andali dali nilang ipakita na hindi na mahalaga sa kanila ang mga taong mahal nila?

Bakit mas madali para sa kanila i-take for granted ang mga babae?...

Bakit mas madali silang nakakamove on kapag nagbreak na kayo?...

Bakit mas mabilis silang magpalit ng mga babae pagkatapos ng relasyon? ... O kahit hindi pa tapos ang relasyon?

Bakit mas madali silang magsawa sa mga taong mahal nila?

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At alam kong marami akong tanong na lalaki lang din ang makakasagot. Alam ko rin na karamihan sa mga babaeng nakakarelate eh ito din ang itatanong.

Bakit nga ba guys? Bakit kayo ganyan? Kahit hindi ako feminist, hindi ko pa rin maintindihan. Alam kong isang dahilan eh dahil hindi naman ako lalaki.

Pero, bakit nga ba kayo ganyan?



- chagadelic gurl -

One More Chance: Chag Style

ONE MORE CHANCE POWERFUL SCENE:



Basha: Sana... ako na lang ulit. Ako na lang ulit

Popoy: Mahal ko si Trisha

Basha: Alam ko...

Popoy: She had at my worst. You had me at my best. At binalewala mo lang yun.

Basha: I only made a choice.

Popoy: And you chose to break my heart.



Tuwing napapanood ko talaga ang One More Chance ni Basha at ni Popoy, hindi ko talaga makakalimutan yung mga powerful lines na yan. Bukod sa lagi akong nililitanyahan ng kapatid ko kapag nanonood kami ng movie na toh, lagi ko ring talagang naaalala yung mga pagkakataong minsan din akong nangarap na masabi ko ito sa taong ka-One-More-Chance ko.

"Sana ako na lang ulit... Ako na lang ulit."

Naaalala nyo pa ba si "dating-special-someone". Gusto ko na yatang baguhin ang pangalan niya dito sa blog ko eh. Parang gusto kong palitan ang pangalan niya into "presently special someone".

Hindi kasi ako makapaniwalang talagang pa lang nangyayari ang ganon'. Meron kang dating minahal. Nagkahiwalay kayo. Maraming nangyari. Nagkaron siya ng iba at nagkaron ka din naman. Then all of a sudden, nagturn out ang events into something na hindi mo ieexpect. Magb-break kayo ng present mo at magb-break din naman sila. Tapos biglaan magkikita kayo ulit. And this time, it's different.

It was just a week ago when he dropped by sa house to visit me. It was actually a surprise. Hindi ko nga talaga inexpect na dadaan siya sa bahay at nagkataon naman na pupunta ang barkada ko.

Drinking Session. I invited him over and he came.

May ilangan sa umpisa in between my friends and him. Pero later on, nung magkalasingan na, OK na rin naman both parties. Alam ko nga na nagulat sila sa biglaang pagsulpot ulit ni dating special someone sa buhay ko. So far, keri naman. Nagkaayos naman ang drinking session ng gabing iyon.

Lasing na ang lahat. Uwian na.

Kanya kanya ng paraan para makatumbling sa mga bahay bahay nila. Nagpaiwan si dating special someone. Pagod nako non'. May pasok pako kinaumagahan pero hinayaan ko siyang magstay. At dito na naganap ang usapan.

Kwentuhan.

Napunta ang usapan sa isang seryosong bagay ng magsimula nakong magtanong.

('.') : May plano ka ba sakin?

(-.-) : Actually, meron.

('.') : Ano naman yun?

(-.-) : Hindi ko naman gagawin ang mga bagay na toh' kung wala akong plano eh.Sa tingin ko dito ako sasaya.

('.') : Eh ano ba talagang magpapasaya sayo? Bakit mo nasabing 'ako' ang magpapasaya sayo.

(-.-) : Kasi kahit isipin ko pa lang eh. Imagine, ang poproblemahin mo lang yung pambayad sa bills, pagkain sa araw araw.. tapos nandun ka. Oo, sa tingin ko sasaya ako sa ganun. (Biglang yumakap ng mahigpit) Bakit ba kasi kita pinakawalan eh.

('.') : Bakit? Andito pa naman ako eh. Hindi naman ako nawala eh.

(-.-) : Kung hindi kita pinakawalan edi hindi ka na sana tinarantado ni J*

('.') : Andiyan na yan eh. Sayang pero kung nung time na yun, sinabi mo lang. Hinihintay lang naman kita nun eh. Kaso nakita kong masaya ka na lalo na nung sinabi mong nililigawan mo si S******

(-.-) : (Yakap ulit ng mahigpit) Bakit ba kasi pinakawalan pa kita eh?!?

('.') : Kaya mo bakong tanggapin? May anak nako. Instant Daddy ka.

(-.-) : Eh ano? Ikaw din naman yun eh. Wala nakong pakelam sa sasabihin ng iba.

('.') : Aaminin ko sayo. Hindi naman nawala yung feelings ko sayo eh. Andito pa rin naman to. Kaso kailangan natin magtake time. Ikaw, wala ka pang matinong trabaho. Ako, kailangan ko pa rin ng time para sa sarili ko kasi masakit masyado ang ginawa ni J*.

(-.-) : Sige. Basta ngayon pa lang, humihingi nako ng tawad sa kung ano mang posibleng sasabihin ng pamilya ko sayo.

('.') : Ok lang. Basta ganito na lang. Hihintayin na lang kita na magkatrabaho ka at makapagsettle ka.

(-.-) : Parang dapat nga ikaw ang hinihintay ko eh.

('.') : Eh kasi ako. Alam ko naman na sa sarili ko na mahal pa rin kita. Kailangan lang talaga ng readiness at kailangan lang din talaga nating magtake time kasi mahaba pa naman ang panahon.

(-.-) : Ah ganito na lang. Liligawan na lang ulit kita.

('.') : Ikaw bahala. Sigurado ka ba talaga sa gagawin mo? Marami kang haharapin kung pipiliin mo ko ngayon.

(-.-) : Hindi na ako yung katulad ng dati. Kaya ko ng gumawa ng desisyon para sa sarili ko. Basta alam ko sayo ako sasaya.

('.') : Awwww.. I Love You.

(-.-) : I Love You Too.


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Alam ko. Ang cheesy ng storya. Pero totoong nangyari siya ng gabing yun. At hindi ko makakalimutan kung gaano kasincere yung mga words na sinasabi nya. Kilala ko si dating special someone at alam ko sa pagkatao niya na siya yung tipo ng tao na hindi gagawin ang mga ganung bagay para lang ipandisplay.

Nakakatuwa lang isipin.

Akalain mo. Kelan lang pinapangarap ko yon. Biglaang natupad.

One week na mula nung nangyari ang mala-JohnLloyd at Bea na eksena na yun sa terrace namin. At hanggang ngayon, nandyan pa rin siya. Panay ang paramdam. Panay ang text. Kung pwede nga lang na isacrifice lahat ng yaman na meron siya para saming dalawa, gagawin niya.

Ibig sabihin, hindi pala talaga ko nananaginip.

Pwede rin palang mangyari na "ako na ulit.. ako na ulit."



- chagadelic gurl -