"It amazes me so that we enter a relationship whole and leave it only a half."
Dear Chag Gurl,
Hi, I've been a fan of your blog ever since you started doing work articles this year. I love your thoughts about work and about how to deal with common situations in the workplace. That's why, I would like to get your opinion and advice on this situation that I've gotten myself into.
Here's the story:
Way back in College, I met this guy James whom I go to the same class. Hindi ko siya type, as in hindi talaga! With all the get up and the looks, wala siya sa list ng dream guys ko. We started out as friends lang, with me not thinking about having any type of thing going on for him. Pero yun pala, he likes me pala. And because I'm the only single girl in my circle of friends. I had to go along with his "playing game thingie".. So, naging kami. The game lasted for about 3 to 4 months then we both realized that we both wanted to pursue the relationship to a more serious one. So tinuloy namin yung dating laro lang into something serious na akala ko, will lead to a happy ending. Yun lang, so much for the seriousness na nauwi kami sa intense na relationship. It's like we make love the first hour, fight the next hour, make love again, hurt each other, make love again then fight again... as in sobrang magulo. What made the case more complicated was that I got pregnant. Ok sa umpisa, sabi niya, let's keep the kid. So we waited 9 months for me to give birth to our baby boy and then I thought he'll be staying with for good na. We decided to live together but unfortunately, It did not work out. He comes in very late at night. He keeps his cellphone away from me. Hindi siya nagpapaalam o nagsasabi kung saan siya pupunta or anong oras siya uuwi, parang walang pakelamanan. But take note of this: we still have sex every night he comes home. Until one night, I got to check what he's really upto so while he's at the shower, chi-neck ko yung cellphone niya and there I found it... kaya pala hindi siya minsan umuuwi, or late siyang dumadating at parang iwas siya na makita ko phone niya is because may iba na pala siyang babae.. and what hurts more is that nalaman ko sa mga texts nila na nagli-live in na rin pala sila. So i confronted him, he just denied everything and he got so mad that he walked out and totally left the house, buti na lang, our kid wasn't with us kasi dun siya nagsstay in sa house ng parents ko. After that argument, he NEVER came back.. he NEVER showed up to me or to our kid.. or even to my parents. I got so hurt that I decided na hindi ako maghahabol sa kanya or sa kanila ng pera. After 2 years, I got myself to move on. I am raising the kid on my own and now works as a call center agent in Mandaluyong. One time when I was at Trinoma I noticed someone who looked so familiar as I passed by a store. I was so shocked to see James and yung girl na pinalit niya sakin, and guess what, she's pregnant! I think about 6 to 7 months. I got so upset that day na kailangan ko pa silang makita so agad agad akong umalis ng mall. And another thing, I can't explain it but I have this feeling going on na parang gusto ko pa rin siyang balikan. I know I never did liked him or loved him that much before, pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit gusto kong magpaganda everyday para makita niyang magandang maganda ako...kesa sa pinalit niya. Minsan kasi naiisip ko pa rin na kahit papano' minahal ko naman din siya. Btw, may present na nga pala akong boyfriend ngayon and we also live together. He accepts my son and he accepts me as well being a single mom. We both work in the call center where I'm working. Hope I can get your opinion about this. Thanks a lot! Love your blog!
From,
babytweets0208
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Dearest babytweets0208,
Maraming salamat sa pagtangkilik sa blog kong ito. Hindi ko sukat akalain na meron na pala talagang kong mga mambabasa at hindi ako nagiilusyon lang. LOL.
Pero, isa rin sa hindi ko inaasahan na first time kong magbibigay ng advice sa blog ko, medyo ganito pa kaintense yung sitwasyon. Parang habang binabasa ko pa lang yung situation mo, parang nasasabi ko sa sarili kong hindi ata ako ang akmang tao na dapat magbigay sayo ng advice. LOL. Parang feeling ko, masyado akong walang experience at knowledge para magbigay sayo ng advice sa mga ganitong sitwasyon. Pero dahil ako ang napili mo, Ok sige.. ihanda mo na ang Decaf Hot Caramel Macchiato ko at uumpisahan ko na ang paglilitanya.
Kagabi, habang binabasa ko ang email mo, panay ang lunok ko habang ginagawan ko ng runthrough ang bawat sentences ng letter mo. Sobrang familiar ng story, parang narinig ko lang kahapon.
As I remember, you mentioned: "I can't explain it but I have this feeling going on na parang gusto ko pa rin siyang balikan. I know I never did liked him or loved him that much before, pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit gusto kong magpaganda everyday para makita niyang magandang maganda ako...kesa sa pinalit niya.Minsan kasi naiisip ko pa rin na kahit papano' minahal ko naman din siya. "
Funny. Sinabi ko rin yan dati except sa part na gusto ko siyang balikan. At masasabi kong normal na reaction yan nang isang babaeng nasaktan at niloko ng lalaking hindi naman talaga worthy.. hindi kamukha ni Akihiro Sato at hindi kasing galing ni Chris Tiu. Lalo na at makikita mo sila ulit na parang feeling mo, they don't deserve a happy ending and yet there they are, kasama ang ipinalit niya sayo at ang saya saya pa nila.. Ouch!
Pride yan gurl. Kasi niloko ka. Gusto mong patunayan na wala nang mas hihigit pa sayo at syempre mas special ka sa ipinalit niya sayo'. Which is.. nararamdaman naman nang lahat ng mga ex-es na ipinagpalit .."Ako ang mas better". ~ Yan ang madalas nilang litanya.
Medyo nabother lang ako dun sa part na gusto mo pa rin siyang balikan. Well, here's the case, he cheated on you and yung feeling na gusto mo siyang balikan ay dahil nga lang sa gusto mong ipamukha sa kanyang "Es-tu-pi-do" siya dahil ipinagpalit ka niya. I would bet, kung sakali mang makakaharap mo siya ulit, hindi make love ang gusto mo talagang gawin... kundi iumpog ang ulo niya sa pader ng tatlong libong beses, isubsob siya sa putikan ng limang daang beses at tapak tapakan ang likod niya ng anim na libong beses.. dahil ginago ka niya. At wala pa siyang consideration sa tagal ng pinagsamahan nyo'... lalong lalo na sa anak nyo'.
I guess the best thing that you could do is to just totally move on.. be happy that someone else is loving you now and accepting you kahit na may mga imperfections ka. Also, despite of the hatred sa Ex mo, try to be happy na lang for him.. at least, you did not ended up with him. Think about it na lang.. what life would he give you kung nagkatuluyan pa kayo eh may ganyang ugali naman pala siya? And we both know, being together is not just all about sex.. it's about companionship.. compromise.. and love.
But I do admire your strength on moving on the first time and still doing so even today. It's good to know that you did not gave up that someone else will be there to love you.. even if he dumped you.
Focus on your new life. Focus on your new career. Focus on your new relationship.
Let him go. Who needs a trash anyway?
- chagadelic gurl -
