"Men propose marriage primarily because they want the physical, emotional and intellectual companionship of a woman. Men like company." - Lisa Daily from Lifewise.com
I just realized this morning that talking to men gets you the answers that you've always wanting to ask your guy.
And just early this morning, I've had a conversation with Chard, one of my officemates.
I went to the pantry area to get myself a cup of coffee. Naabutan kong nandun din si Chard and making himself a cup of coffee too. Niyaya niya akong sabayan siya.
I'm not used to staying longer minutes in the pantry since I have loads of work in the morning. I just usually get myself a cup of coffee then head back towards my desk. But this morning, Chard insisted me on joining him in the pantry area. So sige, I gave it a try.
Si Chard ang isa sa mga pinakakilala ng lahat. Bukod sa lagi siyang nasa guard's area, he really makes sure that he greets everybody a "good morning". And so far, I did not expected that talking to him this morning would ease my frustrations.
I poured hot water on my cup. Naupo ako sa isa sa mga chairs sa dining area sa pantry. Naupo naman siya sa harap ko.
Kwentuhan. Kwentuhan. Kwentuhan.
Nauwi ang usapan sa rEl@sYoN...
Naikwento niya sakin ang karanasan niya sa mga nakarelasyon niya. Sa mga naging girlfriend niyang niloko niya, sa mga naging girlfriend niyang minahal niya, at sa mga naging girlfriend niyang hindi niya maintindihan kung paanong naging sila. Naikwento niya rin sakin ang pagiging tatay niya sa isang batang nagmula sa babaeng hindi naman niya talaga karelasyon. At dahil diyan, napakwento na rin ako.
Naikwento ko ang tungkol sa Ex ko. Naikwento ko ang tungkol sa kung papaano kaming naghiwalay. Naikwento kong ikakasal na ang ex ko. At a short period of time, ikakasal na siya. And I'm a bit bothered about it.
"Wala naman talaga akong pakeelam kung ikakasal na siya. Hindi ko lang maintindihan kung bakit apektado pa rin ako ah hindi ko naman na siya mahal." I told him.
"Sabi pa ng bestfriends ko, possible din daw na kaya siya ikakasal eh dahil may nangyari. Within a span of a year, they decided to get married. Masyadong mabilis." I added.
Sumagot naman si Chard. "Possible ngang may dahilan. Dalawang bagay lang yan. It's either nabuntis niya yung girl, o di kaya, naisip niyang ayaw niyang mangyari sa kanya ang ginawa niya sayo. Kasi kung gawain niya, talagang matatakot siya sa karma. Natatakot siyang iwan din siya ng biglaan kasi gawain niya. Kaya feeling ko, kaya siya nagdecide magpakasal dun sa girl eh para mai-secure na yung gurl. Kumbaga, mawawalan na siya ng rights na manlalaki kasi kasal na. Gusto nitong lalaki ng security kasi palibhasa, gawain niyang mangiwan. Ayaw din niyang iwanan siya."
Somehow, mejo nabawasan ang tanong ko about my ex. But I'm still bothered.
Medyo sinermonan pako ni Chard, "Wag mo na dapat pang problemahin kung masaya sila o hindi. Ang importante, dapat ikaw ang masaya."
I breathed deeply.
Maiksi lang ang pagtambay ko sa pantry with Chard. But it sort of lessen up my frustrations. Kahit papano kasi, kahit hindi masyadong malinaw, nasagot ang mga tanong ko on my why the heck is my Ex getting married.
I guess about my Ex, who left me because of another girl whom he just met in the chatroom, I am frustrated that he left me a year ago and chose not to communicate and end things up in a well manner. But I'm also glad that he left me because if he didn't, I would realize how wonderful life is around me.
And that he was just another guy, came into my life and taught me lessons.
Even if he is indeed a big effin pervert and a major jerk, I guess once in our lives we get to meet people like this. They will either ruin you or make you stronger. In my case, It made me stronger. And with all the hurt and the pain he left me, I still am thankful and grateful that at some point in my life, fate had to remind me to grow up.
Do I still love my ex?
No not anymore. In fact, I wish him the happiness that he deserves. I already am happy with myself and I'll get more happiness with my present life and loving relationships.
As of the present time, I know that he is getting married anytime soon.
And I guess, kung tama nga ang assumption ni Chard. Then possibly, he doesn't know what he's doing. He just simply wanted to have someone by his side and lock her up to himself. But it isn't all about because he wanted to build a family with her, or to grow old with her. It is just all about being secured that someone is stuck in his life. But if things do not go his way, he will probably look for another wife. And this girl he's marrying, she definitely will be devastated.
I believe that marriage is more than just sex, or love, or companionship. Like what Shyder has always been telling me, it is all about maturity. It is all about accepting the next phase of life: building your own family with kids, a home and providing them with their needs. It isn't about just the two of you alone. Its more complex than just securing someone in your life.
Marriage means that you also have to accept him in his entirety. No matter how stupid he gets. No matter how incapable he is in maintaining a well-cleaned home. And no matter how idiotic life would be with him. You have to remember, you married him. And again, marrying someone doesn't him you're just marrying his personality. It meant marrying his humanity.
Oh well, I guess Chard really impacted my day.
- chagadelic gurl -
